


The Less I Know The Better

by lapisdot



Series: Lapidot Oneshots [6]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Feelings, Sadness, Unrequited Love, jaspis - Freeform, mother garnet, one-sided lapidot, pearlmythest - Freeform, vent piece ig
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 11:30:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16136327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lapisdot/pseuds/lapisdot
Summary: Your two best friends are in love. Everything’s perfect, except for the fact that you’re also in love with your best friend and she doesn’t know at all.





	The Less I Know The Better

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this listening to Tame Impala  
> idk where this came from. Im sad and writing this made me feel stuff  
> enjoy I’m not happy with it but I feel like it’s okay  
> As always constructive criticism is welcome & kudos and comments are greatly appreciated  
> EDIT: 30/9/18 - added more to the ending

 

It was the simple things. Like a lingering touch, innocent to the eye but meaning something so much more. But only to her. Softly spoken words, glances which lasted for too long. Almost everyone knew about Peridot’s infatuation with Lapis, which was seen as a silly crush but in reality had actually lasted for over a year. She’d met her through Jasper, a buff, strong girl, her roommate and childhood friend.

 

Ever since she laid eyes on her, it was something different. Like something described in a movie. Lapis was the stereotypical popular, pretty girl. She was athletic, hilarious, had an amazing sense of style and extremely intelligent. She blew Peridot away with every word she spoke, and every hesitant snort which escaped her. It was infuriating how perfect she was. She was one of the sweetest people too, always putting people’s emotions before her own. Originally, when Lapis and Jasper started dating, Peridot didn’t worry about it too much. She’d only just met Lapis, they hadn’t really bonded, plus Jasper was infamously known for her short and meaningless relationships with pretty girls. But as time went on, Jasper and Lapis’ relationship grew and so did Peridot’s and Lapis’. Despite Lapis’ undeniable intelligence, she was the only one in their group of friends who was unaware of Peridot’s crush. Even Jasper knew. She was okay with it, she said she understood but nothing would be able to happen between the two. And Peridot tried to understand.

 

Lapis and Jasper fought a lot. It never often got too physical, but there was a bit of pushing or slapping occasionally - nothing too concerning, though. Lapis told Peridot everything. Peridot tried her best to be Lapis’ closest friend, it was the best she could do. Peridot often thought that they could happen. Maybe Jasper would realise she and Lapis weren’t compatible, Lapis would seek comfort in Peridot and then end up falling in love with her. But then, she remembered, their fights were resolved within less than 24 hours, which didn’t really give Peridot’s elaborate plan any time to unfold properly, and things like that only really happened in movies. However, Lapis did often seek comfort in Peridot.

 

It was 11pm at Peridot’s apartment. Some dumb movie was playing softly in the background, her small living room being lit softly by a dim yellow light. Lapis was sniffling angry, ranting as her head rested softly on Peridot’s lap. Peridot thought that in any other scenario, this would be perfect.

 

“And, I just don’t understand how she’s always thinking of herself! It makes me upset when she’s always talking and flirting with those girls at the bar and the gym. I know it’s harmless but she knows they wanted her! And she didn’t even mention me...” Lapis yelled, screwing up her eyes in frustration.

 

“Maybe you should talk to her. It’s not fair that she’s doing that without thinking of your feelings but Jasper is just a flirty type of person. She loves you. She’s not unfaithful anymore.” Peridot drones on, hating every word which escaped her lips but knowing that it was the right thing to do.

 

“You’re right. I’m being stupid. Thanks Peridot, you’re such a great friend. You’re always here.” Lapis smiled softly, wrapping her petite frame around Peridot’s. She smelled warm. Peridot knew it sounded stupid, but something about her just radiated love an warmth. She just wished it was directed at her.

 

Peridot often thought about kissing Lapis. She knew that Lapis wouldn’t want it, she wasn’t unfaithful, but that she would also be too kind to reject it or react in a disgusted way. She never actually followed through on any of these daydreams, knowing it’d hurt more to lose her friends than it would to have to see them together every day. Peridot lived with Jasper, a short, chubby girl named Amethyst and Amethyst’s girlfriend Pearl, a tall, lanky girl with a passion for dance and singing with a motherly nature. Peridot often had to stop herself from moaning Lapis’ name when she came beneath her own touch. She knew it was wrong. But she couldn’t help it.

 

Peridot never really cried. People thought she was weird when she didn’t cry at the endings of sad movies or books. It was just simply unnatural to her. But after long nights of seeing Jasper and Lapis hug, hold hands, kiss and often even hear them bringing each other to climax, she found it hard to stop herself. She’d hide away, puffy eyes and red stained cheeks being too much of a giveaway to her emotions. One friend, however, wasn’t oblivious. Garnet.

 

Garnet was one of Peridot’s and the gang’s most influential friends. She was mature, never spoke ill of someone and always knew the right thing to say or do. She also had a knack for reading her friends’ emotions. She wasn’t a therapist, but it was often said that she definitely should be. One day she suggested her and Peridot should visit the beach.

 

“So, what’s the real reason you brought me here?” Peridot asked, wanting to get the question out.

“The real reason? As opposed to the fake one?” Garnet mused, enjoying teasing Peridot every once in a while.

“You brought me out here. Alone. Away from everyone else. You must want to talk.” Peridot sighed, wiping the sand from her blue jeans.

“I can tell you’re upset. It’s been happening these past few months, and at first it was hard for me to tell why. I thought it was your family. But then I realised, you’ve been unhappy since Lapis and Jasper got together. I must say, I thought your infatuation with Lapis was just something insignificant.” Garnet explained, her sunglasses hiding any emotion she spoke.

“So did I. But it’s no big deal, it’ll go away soon. Just hard.” Peridot sighed, staring at the ocean, hating how it reminded her of Lapis. Hating how everything reminded her of her.

“I bet. I don’t think you should pursue it. Jasper and Lapis are happy, for the most part. It seems as if you two wouldn’t work.” Garnet smiled softly, as an attempt to comfort her.

“Yeah. Either way, someone would get hurt. I’d much rather it be me.” Peridot shrugged, mostly daydreaming.

“That’s a hard thing to deal with. But, I hope you know this will be better for everyone in the long run. Lapis and Jasper seem serious... they’ve been talking about engagement and moving house. Even if they did suddenly break up, Lapis would be too hurt to date and Jasper would feel betrayed. It’s one of those things, never date an ex. Unless they’re okay with it,” Garnet shrugged, taking a sip of a soda she brought along.

“Engagement, huh? Didn’t know they were that serious.” Peridot laughed, her voice bitter. Everything that she discovered felt like she was re-opening a healing wound and continuing to stab herself.

“I’m sorry.” Garnet whispered.

 

When they broke the news, Peridot had to fake a smile and act enthused. Her best friends were going to get married. It was perfect. Except for the fact that she was desperately in love with one of those, and the other was her lifetime best friend who she swore to never, ever betray, no matter what.

 

“Guys, guess what?” Jasper smirked, her arm snaked around Lapis’ pretty waist, which was covered in a light blue tee, tight enough to show her soft curves. It was hard for Peridot to look away from their embrace.

 

“What is it? You told me I had to wait through that car journey without knowing so we could all be together! C’mon man! Are you pregnant? Are you gonna adopt a kid and call it Amethyst, after their great aunt Amethyst?!” Amethyst practically screamed, pleasing to Jasper.

 

“We’re engaged!” Lapis shouted excitedly, her rosy cheeks spread out in a huge smile. She flashed the ring to everyone, where they all gathered around to gape at it. Something about karats and worth. Peridot couldn’t tear her eyes away from the ring, and not because of its beauty. It was really happening.

 

Garnet’s eyes flashed over to Peridot sadly. She was stood there, a half-smile on her face, pretending to be thrilled. It didn’t take a detective, or rather Garnet, to realise she was unhappy. She didn’t leave the house after then for 3 days.

 

“Man. The news must’ve been hard, eh, Dot?” Amethyst said, taking a swig from her bottle as they sat together near the open fire. It was just the two of them, since it was around 2am and Lapis and Jasper were celebrating. Loudly. All night. In bed. Peridot couldn’t bare with it and asked Amethyst to meet her.

 

“Um, why?” Peridot muttered, unaware that Amethyst still knew of her feelings towards Lapis.

“Well, ya used to like her, right? Oh shit. Do you still? You still like her, man. Fuck.” Amethyst spoke, her eyes wide.

“It’s nothing serious. I’m sure it’s just because they broke the news. I’ll be fine soon.” Peridot weakly smiled.

“Alright, man. I’m sorry.” Amethyst said, tight-lipped, afraid of upsetting Peridot.

“Everyone is.” Peridot sighed sadly, hanging on to any hope she had left. As time went on, things only got more difficult for Peridot. She felt herself distancing away from her friends, more specifically Lapis and Jasper. She wished she had never met Lapis Lazuli.

Jasper made an effort to invite all the friends out for drinks in celebration of their engagement. Peridot lied and said she felt unwell, which wasn’t entirely untrue, the engagement made her feel sick to her stomach. She couldn’t bear to see the two people she loved the most happy while she suffered.

After a while of moping around and questioning if she’d ever really feel happy again, a knock on her apartment door startled her. She had no idea who it could be, all of her friends were out celebrating. She decided to just answer the door and see who it was, after all sitting worrying wasn’t going to answer the door for her. When she opened the door, the person she saw honestly surprised her. Pearl.

 

”Hello, Peridot. I’m not interrupting anything, am I? I know this was all very... sudden.” Pearl asked, her voice quite formal. 

“Um, no. Are you home from the party already?” Peridot mumbled, ‘party’ said with a grumble. 

“No. I asked Amethyst why you weren’t here, and she shared with me your... problem. Please don’t be angry with her - I wanted to know if I could share a story with you?” Pearl questioned, still stood outside.

”Um, yes. Pearl, it’s your apartment too. Come on in.” Peridot sighed, moving out of the way and shutting the door behind the lanky and pale girl.

When they were both finally seated on their old, loved sofa, Pearl began to speak.

”I understand what you’re going through, Peridot. I know it’s tough.” She sighed.

”How? You and Amethyst both liked each other,” the small blonde sighed in frustration.

”Amethyst isn’t the only person I’ve ever had a crush on, you know. Back in high school, there was this one girl. She was perfect. Head girl, loved by teachers and peers, simply just... marvellous,” Pearl said, sadness evident in her voice. “She would get all the guys. She was supposedly bi, meaning that she’d experimented with girls before, but she was known for being the one all the boys had a crush on. I know, you must think she was secretly a bitch, or something. But she was the kindest soul you’d ever meet. She rescued animals and dabbled in a support group she set up for those with mental illnesses and dealing with trauma. She was the one who made me realise my sexuality. She was my closest friend, we’d tell each other everything. The one thing I didn’t tell her was that I had feelings for her. It ate away at me, until I finally one night blurted it out while she was dating her long-term boyfriend. It ruined our friendship and their relationship. She moved away and we haven’t even spoken since. I basically confessed my love to her.” Pearl laughed sadly. “But then I met Amethyst.”

”I never knew that, Pearl. How did you get over it?” Peridot said, biting her fingernails.

”I didn’t really do anything, Peridot. It just happened. Life goes on. I know maybe not seeing her helped, but I couldn’t think about how I’d ruined everything. Anyway, what I‘m trying to say is it’s not always the best thing to be completely honest. If you said anything, I think it’d completely ruin everyone. Things wouldn’t be the same in the friend group. You just have to live with it, Peridot.” Pearl smiled politely. The girls weren’t very close, so this was a lot to Peridot.

 “So I just don’t... do anything?” Peridot asked, confused.

”Get out there. Go on a blind date, or something. I don’t know, just take a break - try to think of something else. Lapis and you is just a fantasy. It’s hard to hear but I wish someone had told me that. Things will be okay, Peridot. Do you understand?” she said softly.

“Yes.” Peridot said.

And she meant it. 


End file.
